Longing

Part 1

Annabell couldn't exactly recall when was the last time she attended a ball. It was then she met her love. Her one true love, who in the latter, left her to marry another woman. One didn't have to be a genius to guess what befell her after that? She was heartbroken, in fact, beyond that – devastated. Many times she asked her pathetic self. Why did she went against her mother's advise? She had heard rumors surrounding him even before that. Indeed, he was tall, dark and extremely handsome but he was also a rake. Annabell's mother had always, from time to time, told her the repercussions of finding these traits for a husband and also, the benefits of having a sensible man for a husband – who would love her enough but not passionately. Let's start with how it all began.

It was one of those grand balls her mother would throw when situation calls for it and this time it was for her daughter's coming out. Annabell was one of the most eligible woman around now that she's 18. She was, no doubt, pretty with pale blue eyes curtained with long eyelashes, light brown ringlets which falls naturally over her shoulders and beautiful features to go with her oval-shaped face. But the list doesn't end right here. What really makes her attractive is the fact that she was the squire's daughter. Fortunately, even with all the wealth her family possess, they remain a close-knitted one.

When that night finally came, Annabell was excited that she'll finally be attending her first ball and at the age of 18, no less. When she was younger, she used to watch the ball from afar, where she wouldn't be seen. Oh, how envious she was back then? At the dresses, the dances and the whole thing itself. “But not anymore”, she reminded herself. She would now, be joining them and she relished the prospect of meeting new people too.

Annabell was dressed in her best dress. A pink satin dress which falls about her shapely figure nicely. She looked into the mirror and thought, “Never once have I seen myself this beautiful”. After that, she descended the stairs feeling a tinged of nervousness when the music suddenly stopped and when all eyes were on her. She turned crimson red without her knowing of it because believe it or not, Annabell had never liked being the center of attention.

It was then a gentleman came up to her and asked, “May I be so honored to have this dance, Ms Graham?”. She, at first, was taken aback by his charming looks and manners but at length, realized the foolishness of the thought. “Well, I'll be delighted, Mr...?”, she replied. “Mr Hedfield”, said he, almost nonchalantly.

Annabell never knew when she had exactly fallen in love with him. Was it the time they danced or was it the time she first laid her eyes upon him? She, in return, paid no attention to these frivolities. The important thing is that she was well aware of her love for Mr. Hedfield.

Ever since, Arthur [Mr. Hedfield insisted to be called by his first name] often called the manor and Annabell herself, always looked forward to his visits. Annabell's father was always inviting of him, unlike her mother, who was still suspicious of his intentions towards her daughter. Annabell and Arthur were happy nevertheless. They went out for walks, shopping and also, to romantic dinners. Those were the time of her life; and how she wished from the bottom of her heart that this could go on forever; and that he would one day propose to her. She was lost in her innocent reverie.

One day, when Annabell was in the garden with Arthur, she thought to herself, “It's been so long since our first meeting and I hope Arthur would grant my lifelong wish”. But life, unfortunately, doesn't always go our way. He took her hand and clasped it between his in a sort of comforting manner. Whether it was too late or not, it was then she realized that something was wrong. She waited and observed with a bad feeling in her gut – and finally it came. “I'm getting married to Lady Loborough” he said. That was enough to destroy her world. “I would also like you to know that no matter what happens you would always be my darling sister”, he added. Annabell was so stunned that she was incapable of asking him why did her let her on? Why her of all the people? Was she some sort of entertainment to him? Any normal lass would have cried in this sort of situation when betrayed by her love. But not her. She refused to cry in front of the scoundrel. After what seems like forever, but in actuality was only few seconds, she muttered, “Thank you”. Realizing that there was nothing left to say, she stood up and excused herself.

It was not until 6 months later, she heard that Mr. Hedfield was finally married. According to the rumors, it is said that the couple toured Paris, France and many other exotic places for their honeymoon. Annabell knows that she should feel anger towards him, them but she was too numbed to feel anything anymore. Hate, love and jealousy, she buried it deep within her. From that day onwards, the days seemed longer than usual and painfully slow. Days became weeks, weeks became months. It was not until years later that they met each other again.



Part 2

The once forgotten love,
Was rekindled by our meeting,
I see it in your eyes,
That intense longing you've tried so hard to hide.

There and then,
You came up to me,
With one of your charming smiles,
There and then,
I started to tremble in nervousness.

You know,
I cannot resist anything about you,
Yet you smiled,
So ever wonderfully,
In spite of knowing it.

Were you not “you”,
I would have been indifferent to it all,
But that would never happen,
For you know as well as I do,
What feelings I have within me?

So why did you leave me in the first place then?
And why did you choose to come back now?