Sometimes, I wonder why is it so hard to take some time out of my days to sit down and write? I always, inexplicably feel a force pulling me away from it all and into the gentle arms of relaxation. Now that I'm actually laying my thoughts out, I realized that the actual reason of my predicament, is that I'm just lazy. To add, my initial perspective was all just a cover, it seems - a cover to shun my laziness, that I'm not very proud of sometimes.
Different people have different things that they're proud of. Some are proud of themselves, in other words, bloated with ego; some are proud of their wealth and maybe, some their health. Mine, as much as I'd like to keep it a secret but sadly, my pride got the better of me, is my mental state of mind. For I always, always managed to keep myself away from the road of boredom and also, to appreciate the simple things in life. Although, I don't think that there's anything to be proud of, I, for some reasons, just felt like saying it.
My form of escapism from our ever-bleaker world is through reading as I believe, it is one of the most effective ways for me to quench my boredom. Reading, takes me through time, space and worlds. There are also times, I get so immersed in the world of books, that I lose track of time. And because of this, time passes by so quickly, so fast - that I don't even have time to think I'm bored.
As this is an example of my escapism, what's yours then?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Longing
Part 1
Annabell couldn't exactly recall when was the last time she attended a ball. It was then she met her love. Her one true love, who in the latter, left her to marry another woman. One didn't have to be a genius to guess what befell her after that? She was heartbroken, in fact, beyond that – devastated. Many times she asked her pathetic self. Why did she went against her mother's advise? She had heard rumors surrounding him even before that. Indeed, he was tall, dark and extremely handsome but he was also a rake. Annabell's mother had always, from time to time, told her the repercussions of finding these traits for a husband and also, the benefits of having a sensible man for a husband – who would love her enough but not passionately. Let's start with how it all began.
It was one of those grand balls her mother would throw when situation calls for it and this time it was for her daughter's coming out. Annabell was one of the most eligible woman around now that she's 18. She was, no doubt, pretty with pale blue eyes curtained with long eyelashes, light brown ringlets which falls naturally over her shoulders and beautiful features to go with her oval-shaped face. But the list doesn't end right here. What really makes her attractive is the fact that she was the squire's daughter. Fortunately, even with all the wealth her family possess, they remain a close-knitted one.
When that night finally came, Annabell was excited that she'll finally be attending her first ball and at the age of 18, no less. When she was younger, she used to watch the ball from afar, where she wouldn't be seen. Oh, how envious she was back then? At the dresses, the dances and the whole thing itself. “But not anymore”, she reminded herself. She would now, be joining them and she relished the prospect of meeting new people too.
Annabell was dressed in her best dress. A pink satin dress which falls about her shapely figure nicely. She looked into the mirror and thought, “Never once have I seen myself this beautiful”. After that, she descended the stairs feeling a tinged of nervousness when the music suddenly stopped and when all eyes were on her. She turned crimson red without her knowing of it because believe it or not, Annabell had never liked being the center of attention.
It was then a gentleman came up to her and asked, “May I be so honored to have this dance, Ms Graham?”. She, at first, was taken aback by his charming looks and manners but at length, realized the foolishness of the thought. “Well, I'll be delighted, Mr...?”, she replied. “Mr Hedfield”, said he, almost nonchalantly.
Annabell never knew when she had exactly fallen in love with him. Was it the time they danced or was it the time she first laid her eyes upon him? She, in return, paid no attention to these frivolities. The important thing is that she was well aware of her love for Mr. Hedfield.
Ever since, Arthur [Mr. Hedfield insisted to be called by his first name] often called the manor and Annabell herself, always looked forward to his visits. Annabell's father was always inviting of him, unlike her mother, who was still suspicious of his intentions towards her daughter. Annabell and Arthur were happy nevertheless. They went out for walks, shopping and also, to romantic dinners. Those were the time of her life; and how she wished from the bottom of her heart that this could go on forever; and that he would one day propose to her. She was lost in her innocent reverie.
One day, when Annabell was in the garden with Arthur, she thought to herself, “It's been so long since our first meeting and I hope Arthur would grant my lifelong wish”. But life, unfortunately, doesn't always go our way. He took her hand and clasped it between his in a sort of comforting manner. Whether it was too late or not, it was then she realized that something was wrong. She waited and observed with a bad feeling in her gut – and finally it came. “I'm getting married to Lady Loborough” he said. That was enough to destroy her world. “I would also like you to know that no matter what happens you would always be my darling sister”, he added. Annabell was so stunned that she was incapable of asking him why did her let her on? Why her of all the people? Was she some sort of entertainment to him? Any normal lass would have cried in this sort of situation when betrayed by her love. But not her. She refused to cry in front of the scoundrel. After what seems like forever, but in actuality was only few seconds, she muttered, “Thank you”. Realizing that there was nothing left to say, she stood up and excused herself.
It was not until 6 months later, she heard that Mr. Hedfield was finally married. According to the rumors, it is said that the couple toured Paris, France and many other exotic places for their honeymoon. Annabell knows that she should feel anger towards him, them but she was too numbed to feel anything anymore. Hate, love and jealousy, she buried it deep within her. From that day onwards, the days seemed longer than usual and painfully slow. Days became weeks, weeks became months. It was not until years later that they met each other again.
Part 2
The once forgotten love,
Was rekindled by our meeting,
I see it in your eyes,
That intense longing you've tried so hard to hide.
There and then,
You came up to me,
With one of your charming smiles,
There and then,
I started to tremble in nervousness.
You know,
I cannot resist anything about you,
Yet you smiled,
So ever wonderfully,
In spite of knowing it.
Were you not “you”,
I would have been indifferent to it all,
But that would never happen,
For you know as well as I do,
What feelings I have within me?
So why did you leave me in the first place then?
And why did you choose to come back now?
Annabell couldn't exactly recall when was the last time she attended a ball. It was then she met her love. Her one true love, who in the latter, left her to marry another woman. One didn't have to be a genius to guess what befell her after that? She was heartbroken, in fact, beyond that – devastated. Many times she asked her pathetic self. Why did she went against her mother's advise? She had heard rumors surrounding him even before that. Indeed, he was tall, dark and extremely handsome but he was also a rake. Annabell's mother had always, from time to time, told her the repercussions of finding these traits for a husband and also, the benefits of having a sensible man for a husband – who would love her enough but not passionately. Let's start with how it all began.
It was one of those grand balls her mother would throw when situation calls for it and this time it was for her daughter's coming out. Annabell was one of the most eligible woman around now that she's 18. She was, no doubt, pretty with pale blue eyes curtained with long eyelashes, light brown ringlets which falls naturally over her shoulders and beautiful features to go with her oval-shaped face. But the list doesn't end right here. What really makes her attractive is the fact that she was the squire's daughter. Fortunately, even with all the wealth her family possess, they remain a close-knitted one.
When that night finally came, Annabell was excited that she'll finally be attending her first ball and at the age of 18, no less. When she was younger, she used to watch the ball from afar, where she wouldn't be seen. Oh, how envious she was back then? At the dresses, the dances and the whole thing itself. “But not anymore”, she reminded herself. She would now, be joining them and she relished the prospect of meeting new people too.
Annabell was dressed in her best dress. A pink satin dress which falls about her shapely figure nicely. She looked into the mirror and thought, “Never once have I seen myself this beautiful”. After that, she descended the stairs feeling a tinged of nervousness when the music suddenly stopped and when all eyes were on her. She turned crimson red without her knowing of it because believe it or not, Annabell had never liked being the center of attention.
It was then a gentleman came up to her and asked, “May I be so honored to have this dance, Ms Graham?”. She, at first, was taken aback by his charming looks and manners but at length, realized the foolishness of the thought. “Well, I'll be delighted, Mr...?”, she replied. “Mr Hedfield”, said he, almost nonchalantly.
Annabell never knew when she had exactly fallen in love with him. Was it the time they danced or was it the time she first laid her eyes upon him? She, in return, paid no attention to these frivolities. The important thing is that she was well aware of her love for Mr. Hedfield.
Ever since, Arthur [Mr. Hedfield insisted to be called by his first name] often called the manor and Annabell herself, always looked forward to his visits. Annabell's father was always inviting of him, unlike her mother, who was still suspicious of his intentions towards her daughter. Annabell and Arthur were happy nevertheless. They went out for walks, shopping and also, to romantic dinners. Those were the time of her life; and how she wished from the bottom of her heart that this could go on forever; and that he would one day propose to her. She was lost in her innocent reverie.
One day, when Annabell was in the garden with Arthur, she thought to herself, “It's been so long since our first meeting and I hope Arthur would grant my lifelong wish”. But life, unfortunately, doesn't always go our way. He took her hand and clasped it between his in a sort of comforting manner. Whether it was too late or not, it was then she realized that something was wrong. She waited and observed with a bad feeling in her gut – and finally it came. “I'm getting married to Lady Loborough” he said. That was enough to destroy her world. “I would also like you to know that no matter what happens you would always be my darling sister”, he added. Annabell was so stunned that she was incapable of asking him why did her let her on? Why her of all the people? Was she some sort of entertainment to him? Any normal lass would have cried in this sort of situation when betrayed by her love. But not her. She refused to cry in front of the scoundrel. After what seems like forever, but in actuality was only few seconds, she muttered, “Thank you”. Realizing that there was nothing left to say, she stood up and excused herself.
It was not until 6 months later, she heard that Mr. Hedfield was finally married. According to the rumors, it is said that the couple toured Paris, France and many other exotic places for their honeymoon. Annabell knows that she should feel anger towards him, them but she was too numbed to feel anything anymore. Hate, love and jealousy, she buried it deep within her. From that day onwards, the days seemed longer than usual and painfully slow. Days became weeks, weeks became months. It was not until years later that they met each other again.
Part 2
The once forgotten love,
Was rekindled by our meeting,
I see it in your eyes,
That intense longing you've tried so hard to hide.
There and then,
You came up to me,
With one of your charming smiles,
There and then,
I started to tremble in nervousness.
You know,
I cannot resist anything about you,
Yet you smiled,
So ever wonderfully,
In spite of knowing it.
Were you not “you”,
I would have been indifferent to it all,
But that would never happen,
For you know as well as I do,
What feelings I have within me?
So why did you leave me in the first place then?
And why did you choose to come back now?
Monday, August 23, 2010
Chances
Wings,
If I have them,
Will I soar like the birds?
Or will I fall,
Like a fallen angel?
To be free,
Is a blessing from heaven,
To be caged,
Is a mortal's sin.
Living under the vast skies,
Connects us,
Neither are we together,
Or alone.
It is for us to decide,
Is it not?
If I have them,
Will I soar like the birds?
Or will I fall,
Like a fallen angel?
To be free,
Is a blessing from heaven,
To be caged,
Is a mortal's sin.
Living under the vast skies,
Connects us,
Neither are we together,
Or alone.
It is for us to decide,
Is it not?
Friday, July 23, 2010
My world
To love someone,
Is to give half of your heart to him,
But the thought of it,
Terrifies me.
To confess to someone,
Is to convey your feelings to him,
But the amount of courage it takes,
I don't even want to think about it.
The next best thing I'd do,
Is to avoid the two,
That way my peaceful world,
I assure myself,
Would still be as one.
Is to give half of your heart to him,
But the thought of it,
Terrifies me.
To confess to someone,
Is to convey your feelings to him,
But the amount of courage it takes,
I don't even want to think about it.
The next best thing I'd do,
Is to avoid the two,
That way my peaceful world,
I assure myself,
Would still be as one.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Love
The whispers of the wind,
The scent in the air,
The beautiful red and white roses,
They are calling me to you.
Do you know that,
The sight of you,
Causes my heart to beat,
More than I can ever imagine?
A world I never knew,
So vibrant,
So full of life,
Only exists,
When you're in it.
I've become happy,
Too happy for my own good,
For the reality,
I know,
Isn't so kind.
How nice would it be,
If this was a dream?
Then I would never have to wake up again.
The scent in the air,
The beautiful red and white roses,
They are calling me to you.
Do you know that,
The sight of you,
Causes my heart to beat,
More than I can ever imagine?
A world I never knew,
So vibrant,
So full of life,
Only exists,
When you're in it.
I've become happy,
Too happy for my own good,
For the reality,
I know,
Isn't so kind.
How nice would it be,
If this was a dream?
Then I would never have to wake up again.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
One last time
I could only gaze at you from afar,
You,
Whom I love from the deepest depth of my heart.
My first and last love,
The melancholic look on your face,
Shatters my heart into pieces.
If only I could reach out to you,
And embrace you for one last time.
Even if I were to reincarnate once more,
I would undeniably fall in love with you,
You,
Whom my soul is connected with.
March on,
And never look back,
As something good will be awaiting you.
If darkness were to seek you,
Be not afraid,
Look up,
For the moon will always illuminate a path.
Here and now,
I'll always be watching you,
From the infinite skies,
Until the day we reunite once again.
Farewell,
My one and only light.
You,
Whom I love from the deepest depth of my heart.
My first and last love,
The melancholic look on your face,
Shatters my heart into pieces.
If only I could reach out to you,
And embrace you for one last time.
Even if I were to reincarnate once more,
I would undeniably fall in love with you,
You,
Whom my soul is connected with.
March on,
And never look back,
As something good will be awaiting you.
If darkness were to seek you,
Be not afraid,
Look up,
For the moon will always illuminate a path.
Here and now,
I'll always be watching you,
From the infinite skies,
Until the day we reunite once again.
Farewell,
My one and only light.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Secret
People are afraid to admit their fears,
And truth to be told,
I'm one of them.
I can never look straight into a person's eyes,
For fear,
I would betray my own feelings.
Thoughts,
That I've tried so hard to hide,
There's just no way,
I'm going to let anyone find out,
Especially now.
In every heart,
Loneliness exists,
No matter the reason,
It is always there,
But that has nothing to with "anything",
Is there?
And truth to be told,
I'm one of them.
I can never look straight into a person's eyes,
For fear,
I would betray my own feelings.
Thoughts,
That I've tried so hard to hide,
There's just no way,
I'm going to let anyone find out,
Especially now.
In every heart,
Loneliness exists,
No matter the reason,
It is always there,
But that has nothing to with "anything",
Is there?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
